A place that feels like home

Today my question to you is what do you place your hope in? Is it in your own ability? Is it in the Lord? Do you have you hope in your spouse or your kids? Your job? Your money?

Right now I am sitting precisely 1660 km away from Redding California, “The City of Hope”.  I don’t know if I could begin to express how much being there ever meant to me, but I will do my best to try. In 2006 my mom died from a drunk driver crashing into her car. I was 14, and relied heavily on my mom up until that point. My family literally fell apart after.  My dad buried himself in work, leaving his three broken children to try and figure out how to raise themselves. It was one hard year after another- and I lacked in much, but most of all I lacked the affirmation, and care that a mother brings.

Fast forward several years to after high school where you find a very angry , bitter girl who seeks love and affirmation from men because she hadn’t found any in her father. At the time my brother came back from Bethel School in Redding. He was  visiting for the christmas season, and had persuaded me to throw my hat in the ring to see if I could get accepted into the same school. I was accepted almost immediately after applying and the very next year ended up traveling to Redding with my brother.

In the years that I was there felt like I was alive again. A place where I could finally breathe and get the healing I so desperately needed. While there people loved on me so extravagantly that I began to open up and love again. I grew in faith, confidence and finally had a hope for the future. That was until I got a call to return home, my visa had expired in the States and it was time to go. I remember having a week left and  feeling like I was returning home to a funeral.

Hopeless and feeling alone I spent months searching for every possible option to get back to the place that I once was. Nothing worked and no door opened. I had trusted in myself to be able to get where I wanted to go and ultimately failed. The Bible says: “The Lord will open doors that no man can close, and close doors that no man can open. In my case I believe that the Lord so graciously brought me to a place that I felt alive and got healing for my benefit. He made a way for me to go and provided extravagantly for it. He still hasn’t opened the door for me to return yet.

Here’s what I believe about the situation. I believe regardless of the current circumstances and my hearts desires that God is good. I don’t believe he’s cruel enough that he would put dreams our heart and not fulfill them. In the seasons where we don’t see him moving we have to believe that he is for us and ultimately has our best interest in heart. If I would have left when I wanted to leave I would have never met my husband Michael. He’s my best friend and a HUGE answer to prayer. Even though I am not where I currently want to be, I have to believe that it is because that Lord still has a purpose for me here and good things coming, and one day I believe that he will open a door to go back when the time is right.

Today I want to challenge you to put your hope in the Lord. If you have never experienced him as a good father, ask him to reveal himself to you. He is faithful and he is for you. It is not inherently evil trusting in things like your family, money or jobs however they are all things that can fail you. Put you hope in the unshakable one, the one who made you with all your hopes, dreams and desires and can open the doors to bring them to fulfillment in your life.



20 thoughts on “A place that feels like home

  1. When I was a child in parochial school, the nuns told us that Hell was not a place of eternal fire, but a place without God. That sounds awful! I hope you get back to Redding, California. In fact, I wish that I was in Redding, California! Besides God, I can’t really think of anything that I could put my hope in because that sounds like a recipe for a heartbreak.
    Love and Peace,

    Liked by 6 people

  2. I’m new here. Hope you don’t make mind if I comment. I’m sorry to hear you lost your mom. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. I love this post. You are courageous and clearly a pillar of strength. I hope your dreams of returning there are fulfilled. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. WOW – Powerful stuff. What an amazing story and you were very young when it all happened. Shows you have ” true grit” – Good for you and well done on not ending up a victim but ploughing your own path. Rather inspirational, if I may say so

    Liked by 3 people

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